


恍惚 -koukotsu-

by vampirekiki



Category: Jrock, Nightmare (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mystery, Smut, Supernatural Elements, Time Travel, Twisted, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-04-14 08:58:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4558596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vampirekiki/pseuds/vampirekiki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You don't remember what had happened to you before you get here, you don't even know who you are. All you can understand is something had gone terribly, deadly wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 0.1

**Author's Note:**

> Note I: the title means 'dizziness' in English, it's a story written for the livejournal JrockYaoi community's August 2015 monthly challenge  
> Note II: Here comes my first ever Nightmare fic! And special thanks to Jun!  
> Note III: I promise you will see how the story is connected to the Time Travel theme in the end!  
> Note IV: Here’s the link to the Nine Inch Nails’ song The Only Time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3aLqKnTuHs

恍惚 -koukotsu- 

0.1

__I'm drunk.  
And right now I'm so in love with you.  
And I don't want to think too much about what we should or shouldn't do.  
Lay my hands on Heaven and the sun and the moon and the stars.  
While the devil wants to fuck me in the back of his car. 

_Nothing quite like the feel of something new._

_Nine Inch Nails -The Only Time  
_

When you first wake up, you have no idea where you are. One moment you are deep in sleep, lying peacefully in the embrace of slumberness, in the next second you are waking with a start, as if your subconsciousness has recognized a potential threat approaching even when your conscious mind is in oblivion.

Your eyes snap open as you wake and become fully conscious also at once. You shoot up to a sitting position, it doesn't take long for you to find out you are on top of an unremarkable looking large bed, with soft mattress, pillows and all, at the foot of the bed, there are a low desk and two chairs. You look up and see there also is a closet standing by the corner of the room.

All those pieces of furniture are white in color, in fact the entire room is painted in white. From the large bed you are siting on, to the four walls around you, to the ceiling and the tiled floor. 

You look down at yourself, much to your disturb, you discover you are also clad in white: a pair of long loose white cotton trousers, a short sleeved loose button-up shirt.

You blink, unable to recall where you are, where you are supposed to be. You only know this definitely isn't your own room.

More importantly, you have no idea why you are here, and what had happened before you waking up in this room minutes ago.

The thoughts send a shiver down your spine. This cannot be normal right? Normally people wouldn't just wake up in strange place they had never seen before with no memory of how and when they got there, right? Something must have gone wrong.

Nervous, you move off the bed at once, trying to look for an exit. Your eyes scan the white square room with anxiety. instantly your gaze falls on a white framed door at the side of the wall, and it is closed.

At once, you rush for the door, hoping somehow it will turn out to be unlocked so you can get out. Your hands are inches away from touching the door's handle when without warning, someone pushes the door open from the outside.

With a small cry of surprise you quickly back away from the door, you can only stare as a man whom you had never seen before walk through the door.

The guy is tall, medium build, his longish hair dangling above his board shoulders, he is clad from head to toe in black; making him the only dark thing in this pure white surrounding. 

The man looks up and his eyes are now fixed on you, you don't know what to do; you can only continue to watch as this stranger closes the door behind him as he says: "Oh, you're awake."

He says it as though it's the most normal thing in the world.

The sound of his voice stirs up something deep inside your mind, like a flash of almost forgotten memory; but it is gone the moment you try to focus on it.

Not knowing what else to do, you stare back at him, but no matter how long you look at him, his face just doesn't ring any bell. 

"Who're you?" Finally, you draw in a deep breath and ask.

The man only shakes his head slowly. "You know who I am."

It is not the answer you want, but just when you're going to ask the black haired man what is going on and why are you here. Much to your shock the man starts to move, shortening the distance between you and him.

You panic at once. "Don't come closer!"

However, your words are ignored as the man walking even closer, you have no choice but to back further into the room; still the man keeps coming.

"What are you doing---!?" 

All too soon your back hits the wall behind you, before you can slip away the man is standing right before you, with his both hands pressed against the wall on either sides of your head, his body blocking your route of escape.

Just like this, you are cornered by a stranger, for the whole time his dark eyes never breaking contact with yours, as if he could see right through you, as if he were able to hypnotize you with his gaze.

And you can't look away, no matter how hard you try. Your body has gone tensed in this stranger's presence, you can feel your heart racing out of control. Unnamed emotion shooting through your veins, screaming in your blood...an emotion you will soon recognize as fear.

Your body is reacting to this man even when your mind is still a blank sheet and you fail to recall who he is.

Uneasiness must be showing on your face, for eventually the man sighs, moving one hand to cup your cheek. "You don't have to be so tensed."

You are shocked by how gentle his movements are, but the unnameable dread is too deep-rooted for you to relax.

His eyes soften, another sigh. "You're thinking too much."

What does he mean? Of course you have to wonder about what is going on here!

"What...?" 

You whimper weakly, but nothing more comes out as the dark haired man presses his lips against yours.

You gasp, trying to move your head but the stranger is faster, gripping the side of your face with one hand and taking hold of your wrist with another, keeping you in place. You want to protest, but no word can escape as his tongue slips into deepen the kiss. 

He breaks away only when both of you are out of breath; then he lets go of your wrist and starts touching you, his hands traveling across the soft fabric of your shirt to caress the heated skin beneath it. All at once you think you are on fire, your body coming alive under the man's touches, his caress too skilled and knowing, his kisses too demanding, giving you no room to hide, no time to think. 

You are lost, your world has been narrowed down to the person pressing hard against you, to the touches that travel across your body, to the sensation those lips and hands have inspired within you. You have no idea when did he move you to the large bed, laying you among the mattress before following you there.

You have no idea when did both of you undress, but the next thing you know, bare flesh is pressing against your own and you cannot stop moaning at the sensation of it.

Your reaction draws a smirk from your partner's handsome face, he reaches out one hand to stroke you, starting from your chest, then goes lower to the rest of you.

Again you moan, then suddenly realize _you know those touches_...you know the sensation of this body moving above you *all too well*; as if it isn't the first time you experience this...

You try to speak, but your words are stolen away the moment his lips claim yours again.

When the man breaks the kiss he simply moves his mouth lower to catch one of your nipples, whispering against your heated skin as those lips reach the top of the rosy bud. "Just stop worrying too much, baby."

The next thing you know he is inside of you, making you weep in pleasure with each of his thrusts. 

In the mindless state of bless, you cry out, at the back of your mind you knew you have screamed your partner’s name in ecstasy, but your brain fails to make sense of the syllables you are screaming. 

In your blurry line of vision, you see him leaning in closer, licking drops of moisture off your cheeks. "Let me make you feel better."

Only then you realize you are crying, droplets of tear are seeping down your cheeks.

to be continued.


	2. 0.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you wake again you are alone, for a second you almost believe what you had experienced is only a dream, this false belief vanishes the instant you look around you are still inside this unfamiliar strange white room.

0.2

_Maybe I'm all messed up._  
Maybe I'm all messed up.  
Maybe I'm all messed up in you. 

_Nine Inch Nails -The Only Time_

When you wake again you are alone, for a second you almost believe what you had experienced is only a dream, this false belief vanishes the instant you look around you are still inside this unfamiliar strange white room. Looking down, there's no denying you are naked, with sticky white stains of semen clinging to your thighs and lower stomach. 

With a groan, you roll yourself to lay on your stomach, your backside feels sore, your skin feels raw and you know there must be bruises across different parts of your body. You know you need to clean yourself but your arm and legs feel too heavy to be of much use. You sigh, it wasn't a dream, regardless how much you wish it is.

You lay there for a long time, until you think you can handle making use of your limbs again. Then with difficulty, you get yourself off the bed, hissing as you put your weight fully on your two feet, even keeping balance proofs to be a chore but you force yourself to manage it. 

Bending down, you reach out to pick your clothes off the floor, so you can put them back on to cover your nakedness. But it's when your strength gives out again, having no other choice, you lean against the nearest wall, trying to get your bearing.

Nothing has changed in this white room, within these four walls the room is still as bare and impersonal as it can get. A bed, a low desk, a pair of chairs, nothing more. There is no framed photo, no small personal item to proof that someone had ever lived here. There is no source of lighting in the room: no natural light, no light bulb, still the room is bathed in the haze of blueish half light. That is so weird, where is the light come from? 

Under this unnatural half light, you find it difficult to tell whether it's day or night within this room. What time is it now? For how long you have been trapped here? You have no idea, because here's another object absent from this room: clock.

In fact your surrounding looks quite like a prison---prettier and more comfortable looking than the prisons you had seen on TV, but still a prison.

You look at the large bed you had previous rested upon, your glance falls upon on the tangled sheets and the stained mattress. Your cheeks burn with the memory of what had taken place there between you and this dark haired man, whose name you don't even know.

Your knees are still feeling weak, but you simply have no desire to go back to that bed, instead you want to get _out_.

Again you study your surrounding, you can see no window, so escaping through a window is out of the question.

You look at the white wooden closet at the corner of the room, and idea comes to mind. You slowly make your way toward said closet, opening it, only to find a closet filled with different pieces of clothes, all white in color. You can't even say you are surprised.

Ignoring the hanged clothes, you study the wooden boards at the bottom and the back of the closet, but they are all solid, there is no trapdoor nor secret passage hidden there.

It is a stupid idea anyway, to believe you can find some trapdoor in that closet, something like this can only happen in a spy movie. Sighing, you close the closet and move toward the only door in the room.You need to try again. 

So, once again you stand before the only door in the room, hand reaching for the door's handle, gripping it then try to turn it. This time you are shocked when it actually works, the handle is turning without meeting any resistance, and with a push, the door is opened.

You stare at the opened door in utter bewilderment. Who would have guessed leaving this room would turn out to be just so simple? Maybe a bit _too_ simple. 

Still...you are alone now, unlike the first time, no one is around to stop you from stepping through this door. So better to get out and get familiar with your surrounding before someone comes here and prevents you from doing so.

Taking a deep breath, you brace yourself and peer outside, all too ready to jump back into safety if there is something...or someone outside of the room.

You see that there is a hallway outside of the room, the hallway in question is so long and narrow that you can't even see the end of it. There are many closed doors along the hallway. The hallway is painted in white from floor to ceiling, so are the doors. Again there is no window in sight, still blueish half light manages to bring lighting to the hallway.

You listen very hard for any suspicious sound to suggest someone other than you is nearby, but after a long moment of silence, aside from the sound of your own breathing, you hear nothing. Perhaps it is okay for you to explore your surrounding, perhaps there is no danger.

Still your gut feeling is still warning you against danger and threats which haven't yet made themselves been known to you. Your survival instinct makes you certain of one thing and one thing only: you are not safe here. You need to escape and go to somewhere safe, somewhere _not_ here.

No matter how hard you try, you still fail to recall a single memory about yourself and your past. You must be from somewhere else, somewhere _not_ here. You must have a past and a life somewhere. You just have to remember all those things about yourself, remember who you are before you woke up in this strange place.

Looking from left to right then right to left, you still can't see anyone else in sight, but you don't really feel you are truly alone here. You feel as though you are a prey being hunted by unseen predators. 

Why are you so afraid? Who can possibly be hiding in this unknown to hunt you? Who is going to hurt you?

Almost instantly you recall the dark haired stranger who had paid you a...visit just previously. Does he bear you any ill will? Does he plan to do you harm? Is he a potential threat to you?

During the previous encounter, the guy hasn't done you any physical harm, he didn't hurt you. No, he didn't. You correct yourself, he only turned up and fucked you senseless. No damage done, right?

You sigh. Who are you kidding anyway? You know this guy is dangerous, even though he didn't threaten you verbally. But as smoothing as his words are and as gentle as his touch is, he had refused to stop when you asked him to, he just did whatever he wanted with you. He didn't take no for an answer.

But just exactly what does the guy want from you? You feel hopelessly lost when you struggle to find an answer. 

What does anyone would possibly want from you? You have nothing, you don't even remember your own name---

The last thought shocks you into complete stillness. Unconsciously you tighten your grips on the door frame, for a moment you can't breath and you think if you let go of the door you will just fall. The world seems to be spinning around you and you can hardly handle the overwhelming waves of panic welling up from within. 

Once again you are being thrown out of balance, for it finally dawns upon you that you have no idea what your own name is.

You don’t even know who you are.

***

For how long had you just collapsed in front of the white wooden door and cried uncontrollably after the horrible realization kicked in? You have no idea but your eyes are still red with half dried tear as you make yourself leave the room you had waken up in and start exploring the long hallway outside of it.

It's horrifying to know you have lost this one memory which holds the key to your own self: _your name_ , still at the back of your mind you are still clinging to the thought that perhaps once you manage to get out of this place, away from this suffocating whiteness; you will find the answers you need, you will be able to regain your own self.

Wishful thinking, but it is all that you have now, it's still better than allowing yourself to drown in helplessness, sitting there and passively awaiting Fate to deal out her next blow.

So you keep walking along the hallway, opening doors hoping to find something...or an exit to the outside world, nothing has come up so far. You only know that you must be in some kind of a house...no, it's too big to be merely a house; you' are in some kind of mansion, a mansion with seemingly endless hallways and countless empty rooms painted in pure white; and you had never seen this place before.

Fortunately, you have managed to find a bathroom (which is also painted in white, completed with white tiled floor) around the corner, the facilities inside are functional so you hurry yourself into the shower to clean the stains of sex from you. You also find a small piece of soap at the edge of the bathtub and you don't hesitate to use it, wiping your skin until it turns pink, but you can't rid yourself of the sensation of the dark haired stranger's touch, which seemed to imprinted upon your skin.

Looking downward, with warm water drifting above you from the shower-head, you can see newly formed buries at your hips and around your wrists, more evidences to remind your helplessness and weakness.

When you are finished, you dry yourself, put your clothes back on and leave the bathroom.

Having nothing else to do, you can only keep walking, from time to time you have to wonder whether you are walking in some kind of maze instead of just an regular household. Why can't these hallways come to an end? Every time you think you are reaching the end, you would end up turning a corner only to find yet another long hallway spreading before you. 

And those doors...why can't you find any door leading to an exit to the outside world? Every time you try opening one of those doors, they would only lead you to a spotlessly white square-shaped room, for a few times you discovered a bathroom or two behind those closed white doors, but aside from those few surprises, most of the rooms are deserted. 

You didn't find any kitchen, nor a backyard, nor a storeroom, nor did you find a door which can show you to the outside world: the streets, driveways, other buildings, alleys, no nothing.

It really looks like aside from the room you woke up in, most of the other rooms are deserted.

Now, you sigh as you face another corner at the end of the hallway you had just finished walking from one end to the other.

You expect it to be like the previous times, you will see yet another hallway which is like the twin of the previous one you had just walked through. Yet another hallway with no visible source of lighting, with spotless white floor, walls and ceiling painted in pure white, and closed doors leading toward one empty room after another.

Therefore, after turning the corner and enter the hallway, you can hardly believe your eyes when your gaze falls upon an regular looking wooden door which stands at the end of this new hallway.

You blink, still not able to trust your own eyes after wandering in a world of unchanging whiteness for too long.

Just like another ordinary doors you can see in any apartment in the city. The faded brown color of the door frame looks like the most surreal thing now against the backdrop of spotless whiteness of its surrounding.

Perhaps it is the door you are searching for! A door which can lead you back to the outside, to the _real world!_

The thought rushes through your body like firework, suddenly you feel light-headed, your heart speeding up. Like before, you rush toward this door.

Only to be pulled back by a pair of strong arms, whoever that is behind you refuses to let go despite your struggle.

You're so outraged by the unexpected restrainment that you actually hiss. How dare anyone stops you from getting out! But before you can fight back you are wheeled around to face your captor.

Despite your frustration, you are not surprised when you meet the gaze of the dark haired stranger. He had whirled you around to face him without breaking his grip on either of your shoulders, dragging you close enough that the front of your body is pressed against his. 

Unexpectedly, your breath caught in your throat by the sudden closeness between you and him.

With the dark haired male pressing you against him, you have no choice but to look up and meet his gaze. From the look in those dark eyes of his, he seems to be just as pissed as you are, if not more.

"Don't go there." He doesn't raise his voice, but it doesn't make his words less of an order.

"Why shouldn't I?" You know it isn't the best idea to talkback, but you cannot help yourself.

"Because you don't need to see what's behind this door."

"What?" With a shout you twist away from his grip, and much to your surprise, he lets you.

Seizing the chance, you quickly back away, drawing a safe distance between you and him. "What is behind that door? Why is it different from the other doors in this...place?"

"Nothing is behind it." The taller man replies simply, but his tone is flat, with no genuineness beyond his words.

"Lair!" You yell at him in frustration, then you turn toward the direction of the worn wooden door. If you can outrun the man and reach the door first---

But it isn't happening, in the next second you are once again dragged bodily away from the door. His clad body is now pressing tightly against your back, his arm circles around your waist, his other hand grasping you by your left wrist, restraining you.

You struggle against him, but the one behind you just refuses to let go. 

"You don't understand, it's for your own good---"

"Who are you? What makes you think you know what I need and don't need?" By now you realize there is no escaping from this man, the frustration is so great it makes you want to scream. Yet at this state of your misery, you still want some explanation.

"You still don't get it. I'm doing it for your own good."

"What is that? Why am I not allowed---" 

"You are not going to like what you see."

"Who made you the judge?" You fire back, choking back a sob.

His only response is to once again wheel you to face him. Before you can protest, his arms are wrapping around you in the most possessive manner, making it for you impossible to escape. 

"You're so stubborn, love. I want to take care of you but you don't let me."

"I don't want this! I want to get out---"

Instantly the man's eyes hardened at hearing those words. "Don't say that."

"Why does it matter to you? What do you want from me?"

For a moment your head is spinning, as soon as your own words left your mouth, you have a feeling that you had heard those words before. You feel as though you had already had this argument before.

"Isn't it simple? You're mine, love." Through the veil of your tear, you actually hear the taller man chuckles. "You belong to me. You're mine, every inch of you is mine."

The way he said that, it makes your body shake in disbelief, and anger. "It's not true--"

"Don't kid yourself." This time he smirks, with so much certainty, as though you are his prey and you can go nowhere and he knows it all too well.

You are struggling again, but your pitiful attempts are ignored as the male simply brings his lips together with yours.

Again you gasp as he peels your lips apart, to explore further. You can sense his movements, there is a hint of...hunger beyond his action, as if he meant to eat you alive, sucking you dry before spitting the remains right out. Your body is trembling at the thought of being devoured, but is it in disgust or in excitement? You can't even tell.

You are entirely out of breath when he finally breaks the demanding kiss, you can only stay still in his arms when he licks you from the base of your chin, down to your neck and collarbone, leaving a wet, shiny line behind.

_"You taste so good, love."_

Those cursed words seems to echo infinitely in your head. You had heard this word being uttered like this before, by someone you held dear. 

In this moment, you get your first piece of memory back at this moment.

In your mind's eyes you see yourself walking among city streets, hand in hand with someone you love, and your lover stealing a wet open mouth kiss from you before he whispering to your ear, _' you taste so good, love'_

You are so lost in your thoughts that you had failed to be aware of him exploring the rest of your body. Now he is kneeling before you, his face toward your clad groin, a mischievous smile gracing the corners of his mouth.

You can do nothing when the larger man slips your loose pants and the underpants down below your hip bones, leaving your lower body exposed. Much to your shame, you know you are half-hard already.

He must have noticed this fact too, for you can feel him smiles against your bare skin as he kisses along your inner thigh. 

You are shaking uncontrollably when he finally takes you into his mouth. Instantly your hands go to grip his hair by a fistful. You know you won't be able to keep standing if the man's hands aren't at your hips, holding you upright, you can feel your legs shaking.

Somehow he has managed to press you to a nearby wall, and once your back hits the cold cement behind you, you are trapped. You tighten the grip on his thick locks of hair, but the thought of pushing him away never crosses your mind. Instead as he continues to toy with you, you shut your eyes in abandonment, your mouth opens as you try to catch your breath but failing; it is nearly impossible to form words when you aren't focused enough to gasp out anything past mindless commands such as 'more' and 'faster' and ‘there’. Then nothing can come out other than a series of incoherent moan.

to be continued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think?


	3. 恍惚 -koukotsu- 0.3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You really know where to go?" These words sound stupid to you once they left your mouth, but there's no denying you' are still scared and you need some reassurance. 
> 
> Ni~ya nods. "I'd found a way out of here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note V: Okay I broke my own words, in this chapter I called characters by their names.

_I swear, I just found everything I need._  
The sweat in your eyes the blood in your veins are listening to me.  
Well I want to rip it up and swim in it until I drown.  
My moral standing is lying down. 

_Nine Inch Nails -The Only Time_

You are losing yourself.

Although it is strange from someone who doesn't recall his past and doesn't even know his own name. How can you lose yourself when there is _nothing_ left _in_ you to be lost?

Still, you know better. You know there's still things you can still lose to this suffocating nothingness that surrounds you from all sides.

Suffering a memory loss is bad enough, but in your isolation, you discover slowly losing your sense of being is even worse.

To put it more simply, _you think you are losing your mind_ , here in this prison made of endless hallways and empty white rooms. 

Even when you are allowed (no one is here to stop you so you think it's allowed) to wander through those hallways and explore every room you happen to come across, still it doesn't change the fact that you have literally nothing to do in these rooms. No matter where you go, whiteness surrounds you, whole and everlasting, reaching straight to infinite. 

You cannot escape from it. This infinite prison of white.

In this situation, how you can keep yourself from going mad? There is no book, no television, no painting, no cellphone, no internet, no music player or no computer of any sort, nothing to distract you from thinking about your eerie situation.

From what had previously happened to you.

__

_After_ he _stopped you from going near the mysterious,_ ordinary looking _wooden door, your captor brought you back to your room. Too drained to keep up a fight, you allowed him to get hold of your wrist and guided you all the way through the maze of identical-looking hallways. Soon enough you lost your sense of direction, you could only follow behind the stranger, who looked disturbingly sure of where he was going._

_Eventually the dark haired man came to a stop, turning left to open a door, which set on the side in the middle of one of the hallways. Once the door was opened, he stepped aside so you could look into the room, and without much surprise, you found yourself back to where you had started: the same room you woke up in, the one with bed and a few pieces of white-painted furniture._

_"You should stay here. You will be alright as not as you don't...wander off." The man announced. "Do this for me,_ please. _"_

_"Why can't I go home?" You asked desperately._

_He eyed you impassively for a moment, before speaking again. "Where's your home?"_

_You bit your lower lip, you know he was merely answering your question with another question; but you hated to admit that..._

_"I...I don't know." You could hear yourself uttering those words, you hated the truth in them._

_Your captor was still watching you quietly, his face showing no surprise nor satisfaction when hearing your confession._

_Eventually he shrugs, waving his hands in the mid-air a bit as he broke the silence. "This is your home now."_

_The finality in his tone shocked you, you looked at him with wide eyes, unable to believe he had just said that so matter-of-factly, so certain of his own words. So certain that you were supposed to be here, in his grasp, and no where else._

_No strength and willpower left to argue, you shouldered past the man and walked through the door, once again stepping back into your 'cell'. You had seen enough to know you didn't have anywhere else to go...at least for now._

_Still you promised yourself you will find a way out, it was a promise you very much intended to keep. You might act obedient now, but you weren't going to let this dark man beat you._

_For the whole time his eyes didn't leave you, you could feel his gaze even when your back was turned; but there was no evident he could see through your facade of obedience and recognized your true intention._

_"Be good, love." With that he slipped closer to you and placed a chaste kiss on your forehead, before back away to stand outside of the door._

_Perhaps he was allowing you some space and private time for yourself. You didn't care, you were only too glad that he didn't try to force his company on you. Your past encounters with this man had already proved you couldn't resist him well._

_However, this time you closed the door yourself and locked it behind you, without acknowledging the taller man's remarks with an reply._

_For a long moment afterward you stood before the closed door, you didn't know what to expect now but you couldn't hear any sound from the outside with the door closed. You couldn't even tell whether your captor had left or not, no way to tell._

_Exhaustion seized you then, you drifted away from the door and back to your bed---and was startled to notice it had been made, the stained sheets replaced with clean ones, the pillows moved back to rest against the headboard, the white colored light blanket smoothed and folded in place._

_Who had done this? Could it be the dark haired stranger? It wasn't impossible...he could slip into the room and cleaned up after you wandered off to the hallways, you figured there was enough time for that. Still...could it be_ someone else _\---some unknown third party, who had been there and moved things back to their places? Though why would anyone bother to do this?_

_You sighed, sitting down at the foot of the bed and stared at the perfectly made bed before you. Nothing seemed to add up ever since you woke up here with no memory of your past; and the only comfort you could take was: better this than to have to do the cleaning yourself. A small comfort but it was all you had now._

_Giving one last worry look at the door you crawled back to the bed, you were relieved to see the door was still safely locked---no one tried to break in or anything, and you could only hope it would remain so._

_Once you allowed yourself to relax among the soft mattress beneath you, you felt unusually tired; before you lost consciousness you briefly wondered what time it was now. Was it daytime or was it night already? With the unchanging icy half-light that filled every space, you had no idea._  
  
****

It isn't quite possible to mark the passing of time within your 'cell', but time must be passing between each time you fell asleep and then woke up to your unchanging surrounding. Your body-clock must be still at work, reminding you when you should rest and when you should be waking, without it your sense of time would be totally.messed. up. 

Although it doesn't help much when you are still feeling so terribly lost, you are choking at your own ignorance, your inability to figure out your situation, to recall anything about yourself. 

Now you _still_ have no idea why are you in this mess and how to get yourself out.

As time pasts, you become the victim of helplessness and empty routines. As to your captor--this _stranger_ who seems to be responsible of you being here...he just keeps disappearing for a long time and then showing up again at random. 

This man is still the greatest mystery to you, you swear you have no idea who he is, but why...would he appear to be so familiar to you? As though he is more than a stranger to you? Whenever he touched you or passed his body against you, why would you feel you had experienced those touches before?

But...if the man is someone close to you, then why wouldn't he just explain everything? What is keeping him from doing that?

And every time you tried to ask him, he kept distracting you with kisses and touches and caresses and sex until you totally forgot what you were supposed to bring up. The way he did it...how he seduced you, it all seems to come so naturally for him, making you forget it is one of the tricks he keeps playing on you.

This strange dance between you and him, it just keeps repeating itself and it is getting you nowhere. 

Once you were bent over the low desk, on your stomach, with him hovering above you, pounding hard into you from behind, groaning next to your ear, warm breath brushing against your damped skin and hair, telling you how beautiful you were when you were on your knees, your butts arching up high as he fucked you to the desk.

You could barely think when you were in his presence, also time didn't seem to exist when he was with you. 

Even when he is away---you can't stop wondering about him, where did he go? What had he been doing when he isn't with you? More importantly, who is he?

Sometime he did show up randomly and surprised you out of the blue. Once you woke up from your slumber only to find him on top of you, his heated flesh buried deep inside you. You cries out at the feeling of being so full, you tried to push him away from you but your strength was no match to his. Ignoring your struggle, he merely caught hold of your wrists as he moved even deeper inside of you, repeating it until both of you screamed.

At those memories, you close your eyes; taking deep breath to calm yourself, hoping to will the twists of excitement away. You are not going to rush to the bathroom (yes, you memorize its location after a couple of trips to there) to get yourself off just because of a few memories. No.

You are still quivering and struggling with yourself when you heard a voice speaking from behind you.

"Miss me much?"

You whirl around instantly, startled to see the dark haired man standing behind you, not more than five feet away. You have no idea how and when did he get there so close behind you, you hadn't even heard anything before he spoke.

Averting your eyes quickly to the direction of the only door in your room, you realize you can’t remember whether you had locked it, or not.

"...what are you talking about--" Although you know you're caught, still you try to hide your embarrassment. 

It isn't working.

The darkly clad man flashes you one of his charming yet merciless smirk. Again he is moving toward you, and you just stand there like a deer caught in the headlight as he secures you with his muscled arms.

Before you know how to react, his hands are slipping down the small of your back and then disappear beneath the waistband of your loose pants.

You flush scarlet as he cups your backside, then _squeezes_. "I know you love it."

Seconds later you are stripped and then pressed flat on your back among the mattress, your thighs have been spread so wide and he won't let you close them. You blush when you realize in a position like this, not an inch of your nude body can escape your lover's gaze.

With half-lidded eyes, you see your lover moistens his lips in excitement, his predatory glance holds so much hunger, as if he meant to devour every inch of your flesh with his gaze.

Then he bends down to place kisses along the soft sensitive skin of your inner thigh, making you mewl even louder. 

"I know you can't live without it."

You can only meow to his words. Some part of you knows he is right, though you will not let yourself admit it.

*** 

After your lover left you, you fall right back to deep slumber, and dreams come to you then. Your dreams are incoherent and incomplete, in one of your dreams you see fragments of your daily life, you see yourself going to work, hanging out with people who seemed to be your friends, carrying out daily routines _just like any ordinary person would._

In other fragments, you see the man with gorgeous dark hair and piercing eyes, in those dreams he really is your lover. You watch the two of you going out like any other couple would, being intimate with each other when alone, always sharing a lingering glance, sharing a stolen kiss here and there. So much tenderness, so much _love_.

In those dreams/memories, you are happy; and all of these just look so real, as though you are in love and are treasuring every second of it.

Those truly are moments to be treasured if your lover can bring you so much joy, bring those brilliant sparkles to your eyes, which seem to brighten up your face...

Even when you are dreaming doubts still manage to wrap their threads around you. Why? If you had once been so carefree and happy with your life, why would everything change? Why would you lose this happy life and instead waking up in this strange, unnatural place? Why would your...'lover'...if it were who this man really is, _jails_ you in this strange maze?

What had changed? What had really happened between you and him?

Then without warning, your dreams are shattered when suddenly you find yourself waking up to someone knocking at the door loudly. 

"Open up! I know you are here!"

You froze, this male voice is different from _his_ voice, it is from someone whom you don't know. What should you do?

"I know you are here, please open this damn door! Sakito!"

The unfamiliar name which is uttered by this male voice with so much desperation stirs some forgotten memory from deep inside you. 

You jump off the bed and rush to the door, your body is acting even before your brain can make a decision for you. Once in front of the door, you place one hand to the door's handle, the door is still locked, keeping your 'visitor' outside, but a little twist of the handle will be all it take to unlock the door and let the unknown person in.

You don't know whether you should be glad that someone does come looking for you, or should you dread it. So you decide to play it safe first, by trying to figure out who is outside of your door. "Who's there? Who are you?"

"It's me! You know who I am, Sakito! Please open the door!"

You still don't know who this unexpected ‘visitor’ is even though he claims you do know him, you have no idea what he wants with you and how he happens to know you are in this room. Can this person be trusted?

Before you can reply, the man yells again. "I'm Ni~ya, your friend! You must remember me!"

The name 'Ni~ya' still doesn't ring any bell. But the man's tone, the way he talks as if he was so certain you would recognize his name...

Holding your breath, you twist the door's handle and push the door open. 

Before you stands a man probably in his middle-twenty, he is well built and taller than you, his longish hair is light-blond in color, and he is dressed in casual t-shirt and jeans. The man's face breaks into a wild grin as he sees you.

"Thanks god, Sakito you're okay!" The man exclaims at once and tries to hug you. Startled, you step away at the last moment.

"...what's wrong, Sakitio?" Being rejected, the taller man looks confused and a little...hurt.

You shake your head, strange that his reaction makes you feel almost guilty. "I...I don't think I'd seen you before."

The moment Ni~ya hears that, his grin disappears. "Oh my god, they really did mess up your head!"

"They...?"

"Yes, them. The freaks who locked me up, and the guy whom you think is your lover."

You blink in shock, the face of another man flashes through your mind for a second. This blond man claimed he had been imprisoned by some people...and the dark haired man, who is a stranger but yet doesn't feel so much like a stranger to you, is also part of the kidnapping gang? Can those words be trusted?

"...then who are _they_...?"

"Like I've any fucking clue, Sakito! We thought we know them, we thought we could trust them, but...we have to get out of here! Before _they_ know we're trying to leave!"

"I..."

Haven't you always wanted to find a way out of this pure white madness? Haven't you always had a feeling of living in a nightmare of some sort the whole time you have been trapped here? Haven't you always tried to find a mean to escape? So why are you hesitating now?

Call it crazy, but deep down you know _he_ is the one thing that keeps you from jumping at this chance of escape.

As the silence stretches between you, Ni~ya is getting impatient and more depressed. "Com'on! We don't have much time! You must come with me! "

You still don't know how much you can trust this blond man's words and the things he had revealed to you, but you think you at least can trust the urgency in his voice: Ni~ya truly believes both of you are in some sort of danger and need to get out of here before it's too late. 

Instinct eventually makes the decision for you, you are stepping out into the hallway. "I'm coming with you."

Relief washes through Ni~ya at once, he offers his hand, much to your own surprise you take it without hesitation. The taller man's grip is strong and so unlike the sensation of _his_ hands _holdingyousopossessivelysettingyouonfire_ \---

Silently cursing yourself, you shake the last thought out of your mind. Still, you can sense Ni~ya's hand is trembling slightly as he leads you further down the hallway, away from your 'cell'. You come to realize he must be as nervous as you are.

"Where're we going?" You try to ask as Ni~ya begins to break into a run, dragging you with him.

"Later! Now we must get as far away as we can! You don't want to stay near them. Not after what they did to us, right?"

What _they_ had done to you? You don't even have a freaking clue. 

"You really know where to go?" These words sound stupid to you once they left your mouth, but there's no denying you' are still scared and you need some reassurance. 

Ni~ya nods. "I'd found a way out of here."

to be continued.


	4. 恍惚 -koukotsu- 0.4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You don't really know who Ni~ya is, he said he is your friend but you have nothing but his claim as proof, and he also claimed he knows how to escape. So in hope for escape, now you are doing the only thing you can do: run.

0.4

_Maybe I'm all messed up in you_

_Nine Inch Nails -The Only Time_

If you allowed yourself to think things through carefully, you would know this isn't an entirely reliable plan.

You don't really know who Ni~ya is, he said he is your friend but you have nothing but his claim as proof, and he also claimed he knows how to escape. So in hope for escape, now you are doing the only thing you can do: run.

Though, in your mind it makes a lot of sense to run: you were _put_ into this place instead of going there at your own will, for as long as you stay in this place you know something is wrong and unnatural here. Your gut feeling has always been telling you one thing: you need to get out.

If Ni~ya is telling the truth, then it should also be right for you to follow him. Perhaps he will really show you the way and get both of you out. In a sense, he seems to be your only hope.

You don't know for how long you have been running after Ni~ya through the maze of hallways, there is no denying the running is wearing your down. The fact that Ni~ya had made a few wrong turns and having to change directions halfway only makes the suspense and dread in you more difficult to bear. What if you were still unable to find the way out, even with Ni~ya's help?

Eventually exhaustion gets the better of you and you are forced to request a break, which Ni~ya agrees. The two of you stop at a shaded corner and lean against a nearby wall, trying to catch your breath.

Once you feel your breathing is coming down to something close to normal, you turn your head toward your company and ask: "You said you'll tell me what's going on."

It is a test, you need to know would Ni~ya willingly share his knowledge with you. 

The taller man doesn't reply at first, he gasps a few more times before straightening himself, then slowly he turns to face you.

"Sakito...you really don't remember anything?"

You shake your head. Though he keeps calling you 'Sakito' you still aren't certain it really is your name. At least the name doesn't sound odd to you, yet you are far from being at ease with it, but now this name will do.

An unreadable expression crosses Ni~ya's face for a second, but then he averts his eyes, his eyes have a sad look in them and there are...guilt as well?

"Then I afraid I'll have to start from the beginning."

"Yes, you should." You encourage him. "And you said 'they' had messed with my mind, who are 'they'? Do you know what they had done to me?"

Looking at you for a long moment, Ni~ya speaks carefully." I think Ruka did this, wiping your memory. _He_ has reasons to want you not having your memories of the past."

"Ruka?"

"Look, you don't even remember his name!"

You stare at him, dumbfounded, not knowing how to response.

"Damn it Sakito, what can I say? I mean...Ruka is your boyfriend."

You feel as though air has just been knocked out of your lungs when Ni~ya utters those words, although you can't say you didn't see it coming. Haven't your dreams been telling you the same things, that this dark haired man is your lover? Ni~ya's words only confirm it.

"But how could he do this...? People can't do these kind of things..." You still find this part of Ni~ya's claim difficult to accept. Even when you can accept the man is your boyfriend, still as far as you know, normal people can't wipe memories from someone else's mind.

"Oh, I honestly don't think Ruka is just 'people', pal."

"Then who is he?"

"Like I've any fucking clue," Ni~ya repeats his words from the previous time. "but I have no doubts he wiped your memories so he can control you."

"Why?" This time you look up to meet Ni~ya's eyes directly. Somehow you sense that 'why' is an important thing to ask.

"Because you were going to leave him, right before shit hit the fan."

Your throat tightens, you sense dread slowly drifting its threads down on you. "Why?"

"Because you have feeling for me, that's why!" Ni~ya answered matter-of-factly.

Again you feel as though air had been knocked right out of your lungs. "You mean...we...we were..."

"Yes." The taller man replies, his voice flat. "I know you probably don't want to hear this, but it's true."

Which means Ni~ya is saying 'yes' to the question of whether you had been cheating behind your lover's back with someone else. That someone else happened to be Ni~ya...or so he said. 

It also means you are a cheater. And all the conjectures you had about your identity and your past, not once had you ever suspected this. 

"It can't be...I am not that kind of person...!" logically speaking, how can you know what kind of person you had once been when you can't remember your past? yet you still feel the need to defend yourself.

"I know it is difficult to accept..."

"Cut it! I am not ready to hear so much......Just tell me how did we end up _here_?" Swallowing hard, you try to keep the conversation from unwanted topics such as 'cheating' and 'affair'.

Startled by your outburst, Ni~ya bites back what he had tried to bring up, and gives into your demand. When he speaks again you are surprised to see it is his turn to look uncomfortable."I...I...we were in your apartment..."

Ni~ya pauses here. You can sense there is more to his unfinished sentence and you think you have quite an idea about what the two of you were doing together in your apartment, but you are not sure you can bare to hear your guessing being confirmed by the blond man. 

"...and then......somehow.....Ruka showed up and saw us---"

"Stop." You interrupt the blond man, the coldness in your tone comes as a surprise even to you. "I don't want the details."

You accept the possibility--no matter how small--that you might once really have feeling for this man in the past, but 'in the past' is the key word. Whatever emotions you had once harbored for this man, now they are absent. 

"Fine." Ni~ya shrugs and looks away, no longer watching you. "When he caught us, he was so angry. I remember you screaming for him to stop and not to hurt me. I remember him charging at me, grasping me by my collar and then..."

You frown as Ni~ya's voice traces off into nothingness at the important part of his narration. 

"And then...?" You try to encourage him to speak more.

"He...threw me across the room like I'm just a rag doll."

Your eyes widen at this claim, you find it difficult to picture Ni~ya, a well built man who looks he can defend himself in any given situation, to be manhandled the way he described it.

"I must hit my head when I fell, because everything seemed to go blurry, I could still hear you yelling but the sound seemed to be from a distance, and when I opened my eyes again I was---"

Then Ni~ya pauses, confusion clouds his eyes when he is deep in thoughts, then slowly he speaks again. "I can't remember how this happened, but when I opened my eyes again... _I was already here._ "

A chill shoots down your spine, what Ni~ya had described is the exact same of how you woke and found yourself in this place.

"Sakito...I swear I know what had taken place, but now...it's gone, it feels like the memory is simply not here anymore..."

You have gone very still at this point. Ni~ya claimed 'they' had messed up your mind so you can't remember your past, but now you have to wonder, perhaps 'they' had also done something to Ni~ya as well.

"Do you think..." As Ni~ya looks increasingly confused, you figure you need to say something. "Maybe we should get moving."

The taller man still looks troubled, but he nods and straightens himself, soon enough the two of you are on the run again.

****

Just like the previous time, this matrix of identical-looking hallways that spreads before you seems to be endless, therefore you have no idea how Ni~ya memorizes his route, but after many twists and turns (and wrong turns), in the end it looks like he does lead the way to your destination. Or so it seems...

The place Ni~ya had led you to is, not much to your surprise, is the ordinary wooden door which you once came across with. The same one you had been prevented from getting near.

An overwhelming sense of Deja Vu hits you at once, like an avalanche. 

You look from the door at the end of the hallway, then look back to Ni~ya questioningly. "That's the exit?"

"Yes! There's no other way! I’d been wandering around trying to find a way out for so long" Ni~ya's face is flushed, he is also panting in excitement. Those are clear signs that the other man describes escape as desperately as you do. "I kept looking for a way to escape, looking for a loophole _they_ had forgotten to block, and everywhere I went had turned out to be dead ends."

Then the blond man pauses, points a finger at the wooden door about ten feet away from where the two of you stand. "Everywhere. Expects this."

Again, Ni~ya's words do make sense, otherwise why would Ruka stop you from going near this very door? That he had to physically corner you so you couldn't step one foot closer toward it? According to Ni~ya, Ruka has always tried to keep you a prisoner and control you. So why would he stop you from going near this door, if it doesn't mean it is your true exit to your freedom?

"Everywhere else, everything is identical and with no color, expects _this._ This can only mean one thing," Ni~ya is still talking"This is the only thing that links us to where we came from..."

'Where we came from'...is that the place you had seen in your dreams and the fleeing flashbacks of memory? The place with normal city streets, busy traffic, people talking, walking along the sidewalks... _and_ a place you call home.

A place where you had actually inhabited, where you cooked, relaxed, watched TV, read, slept, had phone calls with your friends. A place of your very own, it's somewhere far better than _here_...or so you believe.

Ruka once told you 'this is your home now'...but at the deepest part of your mind you know it isn't true. You are from somewhere else, you once had a place you called home.

And now you are so close from going back---

\---back to the real world.

At that very moment, you are so captivated by Ni~ya's words and the newborn thoughts his words have inspired in you; you almost fail to hear a new voice joining.

You have, miserably failed to detect a new threat approaching.

"Ni~ya, where do you think you're going?"

You froze instantly, and you can hear Ni~ya sucking in a sharp breath. At once the two of you whirl your heads to the direction of where the voice came from.

Looking behind you, you now see there are two figures standing on the hallway, just opposite of where you and Ni~ya are standing, they stand not more than ten feet from you but you can swear you hadn't heard any sound of their arrival. Just like the times you had with the dark haired man whose name only now you know is Ruka.

Judging from the way one of them had just spoken, these two definitely know Ni~ya.

For a moment no one moves, giving you time to take in the sight of two strangers standing before you:

They are both male but you don't think you had ever seen any man like this duo before you. One of the men is short in height but he is solidly built, his short hair is bright crimson in color, and he also has so many sliver piercings to ornament his face and ears. Thick dark lines marked around this man's eyes and his orbs are white, giving him an edgy, otherworldly look.

The other one is smallish, brown tresses curtained his face, he is pale and his skin unmarked by any tattoo or piercing; but his look isn't any less unsettling than his companion. At first you can't pinpoint what is so odd about this man's appearance, until you take a closer look at the second man's eyes, only to realize how strange and catlike those orbs are.

"What are you doing here, Ni san? And what are you doing...with _him_?" The brown haired male speaks first, narrowing his eyes as he fixes his gaze at your direction.

"You found _him_ , right?" The crimson haired one speaks up as well, his voice impassive but you swear you can detect a drop of malice in his tone. "So you think you can leave with him, do you?" 

"No, you don't. Ni san." The shorter one of the pair speaks again before anyone else can say anything. _"No one leaves without our permission."_

Ni~ya swallows hard, his lips tremble slightly but no sound can come out.

" _You..._ " A slow smile spreads across the brown haired man's pale face as he lazily---clearly taking his sweet time with it---averts his glance upon you. "you know what Ruka will do to you if he caught you with _him_ again, right?"

"Yomi..." 

You're surprised to hear the syllables squeezed through Ni~ya's mouth. A name. It's all Ni~ya can manage, nothing more comes out.

You don't even need to turn and look to know the blond man is shaking, the fear has already shown itself in his trembling voice. 

At this helpless whimper, sharp eyes focuses back on Ni~ya at once. "and Ni san...what had I told you about trying to escape?"

"I.......Yomi...Hitsugi......please don't do this---"

You are terrified, to hear Ni~ya speaking--- _pleading_ like this. The fierce man who is determined to runaway, the man who had been so confident about finding an escape, the man who had come to you with a plan for escape...now this person is simply _gone_ , replaced by this helpless creature trembling in fear.

In a flash you know what is going. _They._ Ni~ya had mentioned being locked up. This pair of men standing before you, they must be the ones who jailed Ni~ya. They must have done something to Ni~ya, it has to be something bad. That's why the taller man is in so much deadly fear with them.

"Time for small talk is over, folks." The crimson-haired one, who must be Hitsugi, replies coolly. "Come here to receive your punishment, _now_."

Then much to your shock, the next thing you know, Ni~ya is actually moving forward when ordered.

"No! You can't go to them!" You call after Ni~ya, but the latter is still walking toward the pair. He looks like he doesn't want to but he has no control over his movement anymore. Like a puppet, he is controlled by unseen threads and those threads are now dragging him closer to the two mysterious men called Yomi and Hitsugi.

 _"It doesn't concern you!"_ The one named Yomi hisses, throwing dagger at you with his deathlike gaze. 

"Yes, it doesn't." Hitsugi says just as impassively as before. "Ni~ya is ours."

By now Ni~ya is now standing right before the pair, his entire body is shivering so violently.

It shouldn't be happening, these two...they shouldn't be controlling Ni~ya without even a snap of a finger. No one...no one should have control like this over another person.

Still, despite your horror, you know all of these are happening before your eyes, and with a sinking feeling you know you are going to witness someone even _worse._

The one named Hitsugi presses himself against Ni~ya's body, looking up to him with those strange, heavily lined eyes.

And he smiles. Smiles like a child who is about to lick the ice-cream cone of his favorite flavor. 

Then Hitsugi tiptoes forward, leaning in for a kiss, Ni~ya tries to scream but is cut off by the crimson haired one forcing his mouth upon his.

You know you should have done something to save Ni~ya, especially when he is now struggling to break away from this forced kiss.

Instead you are backing away, step by step you are backing away from where the three men now stand, but no matter how hard you try, you can't tear your eyes away from the sight before you:

Hitsugi deepens the kiss, his throat working as if he is sucking something out of his prey.

Ni~ya drops to his knees, hands falling to hang limply at his sides as if his strength has gone out. _As if his strength has been sucked out._

Hitsugi falls upon Ni~ya's fallen form, crawling atop him without breaking the kiss, muffled moans can be heard between heavy breath. From where you stand it looks to you, they look like they are fucking if they don't had their clothes still on.

Meanwhile, Yomi is merely standing next to them, watching them with amusement, chuckling at the same time. "We have always taken good care of you, Ni san. So don't think about leaving us again, ever."

That is too much. You turn away and make a run at the door.

You throw yourself against the wooden door frame with a 'bang', you twist the door's handle. In one desperate second you almost believe this door is locked, leaving you trapped here with those two...creatures behind you. Yomi’s chuckles seem to be echoing along the hallways, chasing after you. You are also very sure within seconds those two are going to abandon Ni~ya (a prey who is already at their mercy) to chase after you, dragging you back---

No, you are not going to let them take you, you will give everything to avoid the fate of being reduced to the pitiful state of Ni~ya's. Terrified, desperate, pale, weak, the ghost of his former self.

You will give everything--

In the last moment, the door's handle makes a half-circle turn and with your full weight adding on the door frame, you push the door open.

With a small cry, you automatically take one step forward, but instead of the solid ground you expected, your foot hits _nothing_.

Your cry turns into a high pitched scream as you fall right into darkness beyond the door.

to be continued.


	5. 恍惚 -koukotsu- 0.0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you are finally face to face with him, you break the silence.
> 
> "Ruka..." you realize it's the first time you say his name in his presence, the sound of it sounds strange yet eerily familiar, at the same time.
> 
> "It isn't safe to be in here, you know it, right?"
> 
> Ignoring his question, you counter back with your own questions. "Ruka, what's going on? What've happened to me?"

chapter 0.0

_This is the only time I really feel alive..._

_Nine Inch Nails -The Only Time_

When Hitusgi tears himself from his prey, he notices his companion Yomi is the only remains in the hallway. The other male is nowhere in sight.

"Where's he?" He asks. 

It goes without saying who 'he' is referred to.

"He escaped." Yomi replies with out much of a care. 

"Oh." That's the only response from Hitsugi, although perhaps they should have prevented Sakito from running through the door. Ruka most likely isn't going to be happy about that.

But in the next second, he shrugs this thought away. "Ruka will take care of this."

"Figured." Yomi responses just as causally, then both of them turn to face Ni~ya. They haven't done yet.

***

Darkness fills your vision at once, a sudden, harsh change from the infinite bright whiteness bearing down on you for so long. Darkness slips through your sense, filling you up from the inside as you fall.

It is just like drowning, but there's no water, there's only darkness choking you, making you suffer.

Like going through an Nearly Dead Experience, in the next second various images break through the darkness, flashing before your eyes.

The first thing you remember is who Ni~ya is. You remember what had happened between you and him.

He indeed is your friend, one of your best friends. The two of you know each other for so long, sharing more or less the same interests, always doing things together. At the beginning it is very innocent, but latter not any more.

Ni~ya told you that you had feeling for him. It is true while it isn't the entire truth. It would be a lie if you said you never knew Ni~ya had feelings for you, but for your own defense you had never thought neither of you would act upon this forbidden attraction, until this fatal day...

You still don't understand why you did this. The betrayal comes to you and at this very time it felt entirely _painless_ to you when you betrayed your lover. You had given in without much struggle, you were like a man possessed, doing whatever your desire commanded you to do. Maybe you're just a horrible person, the cheating type.

You are not the person whom you think you are, nor does your lover.

You open your eyes, and the darkness fades away almost at once. You find you are lying face down on a hard wooden floor.

Wherever you are, you know you are not inside the maze where everything is nothing but white in color.

There is no time to be wasted, so you shoot up into a sitting position, taking in your surrounding as quickly as you can. 

You appear to be in an apartment, just an ordinary apartment resided by a young man. You are sitting on the floor of a living room, in your line of vision you can see pieces of furniture, a few paperbacks and outdated magazines are lying on the carpet nearby. 

Quickly you look back at where you came from. In shock, you realize behind you is a spotless wall with cream colored wallpaper, there is no trace of the wooden door you had come through before you fall and hit the floor.

Again you scan the room for clue, only to find aside from the living room you are in. Under the grey twilight the room is bathed in, you see that there are only three doors within this apartment: a half opened door to what appears to be a small bathroom, a light colored door to an equally small bedroom, and finally a grey steel door opposite of where you're sitting. It doesn't take long for you to realize it has to be the front door.

You listen carefully for sound of moments or another person's breathing. but your ears catch nothing but the sound of your own breathing. There is no sight of Ni~ya, no Yomi and Hitsugi bursting in to get you.

They must still be on the otherside. 

Shivering you make yourself stand up at the center of the living room, you look at the desk nearby, and almost at once you find what you're looking for: picture frames. 

You study those photos in the frames, you see your own face in many of those photos, you see different versions of yourself doing different things in those photos, taking pictures with different people who seemingly are your friends and family already you still can't recall any of them.

Looking around you, the surrounding looks...familiar to you, it feels almost like...home.

So it is really your home. The photos have proofed this. Turns out Ni~ya is right all along, this door is indeed the only thing that links us to where we came from. As weird as it sounds, it is the door which connected to your own apartment.

Once again your eyes fall upon the framed photos on the desk, at once you notice one photo in particular: it's a photo with you standing next to Ni~ya and some other people, everyone is smiling to the camera, judging from the background of the photo, you and Ni~ya had been in some party.

You gasp, so it looks like it is also true that Ni~ya and you are friends for real. Those photos also proof that you _do_ have loved ones, many of them. They are _here_ , and they care about you.

Shifting your attention to the framed photo next to the one you're looking at, there are only two people in the photo: yourself and the dark haired man who is known as Ruka. Your captor.

The two of you were embracing each other while facing the camera when the photo was taken.

Sucking in a sharp breath, realization dawning upon you: so it also is true that Ruka and you have an relationship.

What more surprises are you going to discover next?

Then your glance falls upon a small digital clock sitting next to the series of framed photos. A clock! Finally a device which will inform you the time and the date! 

However, in the next second your excitement quickly dies down as you notice the glass screen of the digital clock is blank, showing nothing. The battery had long ran out. 

Questions whirling through your mind at once. What time is it? What day is it? And...why it is so quiet here?

Where did everyone go?

The last thought sends a chill down your spine, you need to go out, you need to find someone to inform them about Ni~ya. Ni~ya and you must have been missing for so long! Just...how long has Ni~ya been trapped that strange place? For how long _you_ have been taken to there and gone from your friends and family? They must be worrying themselves half to death over your safety...

At the foot of the sofa nearby, you see a cell phone lying on the wooden flooring, you pick it up instantly, but you are not really surprised when the phone turns out dead, running out of battery like the small clock. You sigh, you had thought you can check the contact list in your cell phone and try to recall the people you once knew...

Since there isn't any option left, you move to the closed front door, opening it without any difficulty, and let yourself out of your apartment, and walk outside.

You are not ready to see what is really outside, though.

Once you step up to the hallway outside of your apartment, you find it odd to see there are ashes drifting from the mid air, and small pieces of rubbish lying on the floor. And the hallway is empty, it feels like no one else is there. Still, how can this be possible? There has to be some people still around, in their homes, walking along the hallways, on their way to work or to school?

Where did everyone go?

You begin to hesitate, but it isn't like you can just go back inside and pretend everything is alright, you still have to make contact with your loved ones, you still need to tell people about what had happened to Ni~ya.

You run down the stairs, going all the way down to the apartment building's lobby. Still on your way down you see no one in sight, not even the caretaker is there when you reach the lobby.

The smell of burnt things attack your nose at once the second you walk out of the building.

You look around, and for the first time you begin to notice things you had failed to see when you first came back.

How there's no sun in the sky.

How there is powder dust raining down from above, covering the streets and everything with flat surfaces with it.

How there is fire burning from somewhere far away, across the skyline of the city.

The buildings around you, they are now in ruin, as if they had been bombed in some way.

Dead trees lined along the broken sidewalk, their ruined branches reaching up to the sky like long bony fingers, reaching for help which will never come.

Various cars being burnt down to their steel skeletons, overturned and abandoned on the streets.

Still you see not a single soul when you are looking for someone to help you.

You try screaming for help, but you are only answered by your echoes. 

The more you see, the more you feel like you are the only one left in the entire city. Although how can it ever be possible?

The air around you, it is filled with the acidly scent of burnt things and ash, choking you. It's as though the whole city had long been caught on fire, burning everything within it to ash.

What is going on? What had happened to your city? Your home? Where is everybody? What had happened to them? Where are them now?

***

You must have walked for hours, but everywhere you go, you see only lifeless ruins. No sign of life, no survivor, no one left to offer you help.

Everywhere you go, you see evidence of mayhem and destruction. It looks as though plague had broken out, as though a crisis had taken place here, as though wars had been taken place, driving everyone away.

No use trying to find help anymore no one is there. You come to realize this.

Giving up, you can only go back to the apartment building, where your home is--- _used to be_.

But you don't even get to there before you spot a tall figure standing alone in the playground in front of the apartment building.

Something twitches in your chest when you come close enough to recognize the figure truly is the one you think he is: Ruka.

Once again, you can't even say you're taken by surprise, something in you has always known Ruka will be here. Things are far from finished between you and him,

With this thought in your mind, you walk straight up to him, there is no point hiding, if Ruka is here then it means he knows how to find you, all along. Beside, you do want some explanation. You have to know why the world has become something like this.

Your dark haired lover must have sensed your approaching as well, he crooks his head to one side, waiting for you with an unbearable expression on his face. 

When you are finally face to face with him, you break the silence.

"Ruka..." you realize it's the first time you say his name in his presence, the sound of it sounds strange yet eerily familiar, at the same time.

"It isn't safe to be in here, you know it, right?"

Ignoring his question, you counter back with your own questions. "Ruka, what's going on? What've happened to me?"

Ruka keeps quiet.

"...and _what are you_ , Ruka?"

His mask of impassiveness finally cracks, and Ruka finally reveals everything to you.

By willingly giving your memory back.

****

Unbeknownst to most people, there are many different realities, unseen and unaware by humans.

Aside from the human races, here are many different intelligent, humanlike species sharing our world, intelligent species who look outwardly like humans but not quite; creatures who possess abilities and talents normal humans simply don't have.

They have always lived among us, some of them are from our world, some aren't. Some even move between different worlds. Those different species have always been in hiding, keeping low profile, blending into human societies, living as one of our own. Still, they keep their own secrets. The biggest secret they have kept is: our world isn't the only world out there, there're different worlds and alternative realities overlaying with our world; loopholes, wormholes to allow travelers to come through.

And you had been in one of those alternative realities, with one of the members of those otherworldly species standing before you.

Your lover.

_"Oh, I honestly don't think Ruka is just 'people',pal."_

Turns out your lover...he isn't human, the same like his 'friends', Yomi and Hitsugi aren't.

You had never known, could never have guessed what he really is, until it is too late. How could you have guessed the man you have fallen in love with _isn't human?_ After all he had always been one of your friends, someone you think you can trust.

Everything had been fine, until he found you cheating on him...with your best friend, Ni~ya. The two of you had been caught red-handed. In your apartment; as just you had already guessed when Ni~ya hinting at it previously.

You thought you would never forget the look on your lover's face when he unlocked the door and walked in on you two...not actually having sex _yet_...but still...bad and damaging enough.

The memory of what had happened next is a blur to you, but at the back of your mind one thing is certain: everything had gone straight to Hell, to all of you.

Out of anger, your lover trapped both you in one of the alternative realities which is in his possession. Out of anger, he had stripped you of your daily life, your friends and family, removed you from the only world you know. 

Although you had met Ruka in your own world--the human's one, but you never knew he isn't really from there. His world belongs somewhere else entirely.

You were helpless, trapped in a maze of intertwining hallways and empty rooms. With no way out.

What you didn't know is, Ni~ya had also been taken into the same world and became the playmate of Ruka's two 'friends'.

What you didn't know is, the rest of the world had also gone to Hell at almost the same time.

While you were lost in the otherside, oblivious to what was going on to your world and your city. Wars broke out, regional battles quickly spread out to claim more lands, more lives as its threads drifting across the globe.

The entire world was at war, livelihoods were destroyed, it was neighbors against neighbors, strangers against strangers. Even siblings against siblings, parents against children. The world had gone crazy, then with it, the civilization as we known it fell apart. 

Soon, sooner than anyone could have expected, most of the global population had been wiped out, what little left are now hiding beneath underground shelters or secret hideouts, with cities and towns crumbling down from above.

It is utter Hell.

This time humanity had finally maimed itself beyond recovery, whilst a few handful of survivors got spirited away into the different alternative realities and keep alive there by the supernatural creatures. 

You are one of those 'lucky' ones, so is your friend Ni~ya. You are both blissfully oblivious when the doom of humanity arrived and claimed everyone else.

The world as you knew it had long come to an end.

 _"Nothing is behind it."_ Ruka had said to you, and turns out he wasn't lying.

Because the world beyond this door had long been reduced to _nothing._

***

The weight of your regained memories nearly crushes you down. So it's the truth about your missing past, the explanation of why you had returned to your own world only to find it is in ruins. You remember why.

Many of the normal laws of physic don't work well in the alternative realities. Time also doesn't move the same way in Ruka's world like it does in _your_ world.

When you are being trapped in a place where time doesn't move forward, so after years-- _decades_ of the world's destruction, you still remain the same. It makes you feel like laughing, the whole human world had long been laid wasted by the humankind themselves, but you are the last living people to know! 

Don't forget about Ni~ya. He doesn't know, neither. They must have also wiped this part of his memory too, otherwise the blond man would not have insisted so strongly on escaping.

During your imprisonment, you haven't aged, you haven't gotten sick, you don't even have to eat to survive. For the first time, you realize you haven't eaten anything ever since the first time you woke up in your cell. Yet you still live, you can still walk around and function like business as usual.

How could you be so blind? Normal people can't function without costuming food for that long, at least not in the real world. 

You didn't realize you have sank down to your knees, covering your face with your both hands as the full weight of memories hits you with its full force, not until you feel Ruka's presence, feeling his hands placed on your shoulders. 

"What had you done to Ni~ya?" Quivering, you ask.

He merely shrugs. "Yomi and Hitsugi took a liking of him."

His words are so casual sounding, as if they really can explain everything away.

"What? But they are..." _torturing him_.

"I know what you're thinking, but believe me, those two haven't done anything your little friend doesn't want them to do. He's being looked after pretty well."

"The same like you how you had looked after me?" You are shocked by the malice and bitterness in your own voice, but you don't bother to stop yourself, tear is running down your cheeks freely. 

"I...never want you to find out..." Ruka look sad when uttering those words; the sadness makes him look...strangely fragile and...human.

Does he mean he never wants you to find out the world had ended? Or does he mean he never wants you to realize he had wiped your memory, or he had left you wandering aimlessly like a ghost in his infinite maze?

Regardless of the answer, what is done, is done. 

“You...” You choke at your own words when the final piece of missing memory flashes through your mind. “It is not the first time you wipe my memory...”

Ruka does not say anything, but the expression in his eyes is enough to let you know you are correct. The same thing had happened not once, but _many times_ already. You tried to escape, sometime Ruka caught you before you can find the only door back to your world and wiped your memory, other times you made it back to the real world only to be devastated by what you saw there, until Ruka caught up with you and made you forget what you had (re)discovered.

Eventually, your lover pleaded. "Will you...forgive me, just one more time, Sakito?"

Will you give Ruka one more chance? Your lover has been selfish, stealing you away from your world without your consent, but hadn't you been just as selfish in your own way, if not worse?

In his way, Ruka has been taking care of you, just like he had once claimed he would. He has been keeping you alive when there's nothing left in the real world, but you are not certain whether to thank him or to hate him for that.

You know you must make a choice, and time is running out for you.

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After Note I: When I'm tidying the whole chapter up, there's a movie called _In Time_ playing on the TV. LOL
> 
> After Note II: I know this story is freaking weird and many things aren't as developed as I hope, but deadline is approaching very quickly so I have to make do...


End file.
